What Will I Do?

I’m at a crossroads. Well, Mr. Wonderful is at a crossroads, and I am as well, but not with our marriage, it’s with work. Plain and simply, HE needs a job, and I’d like one where I make (quite a bundle) more money.

Seventeen years ago, I quit college to be a good aunt and stable force in my niece’s life. We had her on weekends and did everything together.She lived with us off and on for the next 8 years. She was definitely our “first kid”.

Now she’s 25 and we have 2 kids. Mr. Wonderful did his dream job for about 7 years (and lost his position 3 years ago… I often refer to it here) and is currently holding a seasonal position… where he’s basically unemployed for the whole summer.

I am frustrated because I’ve wanted to go back to school since before we got our girls… I knew once we became foster parents that it’d be tough for me to be in school again with kiddos, but I wanted to try. And…. it’s been out of the question for the last 10 or so years.

A friend contacted me today and we talked about online universities vs physically showing up, as well as going to school when you’re way older (we actually went to college together the first time and quit about the same time, too). We both just want a degree in “whatever is the fastest way through,” him for a promotion at work, and me, because I just want something, ANYTHING that will afford us a lifestyle that allows us to….. make repairs when we need them. (See, our house is tiny, and I could ask for a million things right here… but I don’t need crazy-awesome stuff… just my family and friends and especially my hubster, Mr. Wonderful, and maybe the thought that I don’t have to keep working until 2050.

Much of my degree was in Accounting, but I am not so interested in that as I once was. I had become very frustrated at my job and went to school to get a job where I didn’t have to work with people. That’s silly, though. I LOVE working with the public. I am energized by my current work… I adore my customers, and don’t mind my job. I mind the pay, though. It’s not bad for my actual job title, but it’s nothing near what I want to be doing.

And I’d like to note that I would love to be in a job where I can help others. Not social work, probably. I get too stressy for that.

One thing I know I can do well is write. I’m not exactly a novelist or anything, but I can convey what I’m feeling pretty well. In fact, my friend even said on the phone tonight that I have “the writing part down in spades.” Which is super-cute, because that’s exactly how I would have said it. We do that a lot… use the same word or phrase for things. But then we’ve known each other since I was a child of 14, so it’s not that strange… we’re all super old now… I’m 43!

Sidetracking myself, it was hilarious this last weekend, Mr. Wonderful and I spend time with the same friend and his wife. Their kids are teens and would say something to their dad, and a couple of times I’d say his joke line before he did. (Most of his jokes cannot be repeated here, but it was funny that I knew many of them, and because *I* use them daily.)

So, I have some thinking to do… what will I do when I grow up? I dunno. I’m an OK writer, but I don’t see myself doing creative writing for a living. So then… there’s the accounting degree I forsook. Yuck! And the psychology study that I abandoned because it freaked me out. The teaching degree I only worked on for a year. But I’m supposedly in my junior year. At least I was when I was last in school… buy who knows of my credits even transfer anymore.

Something that bugs me immensely about all this is that people come into my work and assume that because I’ve worked there 18 years, that I’m stupid and never went to college. It’s annoying and wrong, but the truth is that I hold no degree and apparently people are allowed to judge on that these days.

I’m tired of not having enough to make ends meet. I’m exhausted with being supportive. And I don’t want to wait anymore to realize this dream of mine… to have that slice of paper and be recognized.




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