What’s Wrong?!

Kody, Jenny, Tutanka in July of 2006. These were the golden days.

Kody, Jenny, Tutanka in July of 2006. These were the golden days.

[This is my actual, unedited journal entry from today. Forgive the improper grammar and overblown emotion.]

What’s wrong indeed! Kody died a week ago. That wonderful chow mix furball that turned me into a dog lover, and melted the ice in my heart to make way for me to love Vaeh and Lisi Jo, My heart is broken to pieces and everyone is either inappropriately clingy or they don’t care. This dog was a part of my being!

I’ve been portioning out emotion over this because I knew I couldn’t handle the stark reality of a world without my boy. I miss him at the oddest moments and cry when it’s completely inappropriate. I’ve obsessively held onto things and sabotaged myself in ways I can’t even go into at the moment.

Right now, Isabella, Lisi Jo’s gray stripe kitten just cuddled up next to me and began purring. I suppose this is God’s way of saying, “I’m here. I haven’t forgotten about you.” OK, I’ll stop being a curmudgeon. I’ll suck it up and get ready for the rest of my day—

But before I go, I want to say here before I move on:

Jenny, don’t deny yourself grief over this wonderful dog. People understand. Even if you don’t get it right now. Stop stressing about 45 things that don’t matter. Know in Whom you can trust, and stop expecting perfection from yourself and everyone else… you KNOW you only do that when you are trying to hold on to something that needs to be let go.

❤ J

[So there it is, I’m certifiable. Just wanted to make sure everyone knew.]


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