When Mr. Wonderful was unjustly forced from his job last year, I kinda thought it was the end of all things. We weathered his former employer believing lies that were told, then realizing they were wrong to force him out, and then they never did a single thing to rectify the situation. Most people were non-committal, some were so supportive and loving, and at least two in that organization were nasty and brutal, hatefully shoving blame on Mr. Wonderful. (I sit here wondering what kind of horrible life this person must have, to use my husband as a sacrificial lamb to perhaps save face in front of their boss.)
We were down to very little in the checkbook, and then some loving individuals began sending money each month. Four couples, actually. Two of those couples are still sending money each month, even though Mr. Wonderful has a part-time job that is really helping out with our budget. It’s a blessing and it’s very humbling to have people (some we didn’t know well at all) see a need. listen to the Lord, and help out. There were others, I might add, who offered to help us, but we said no, and that we’d ask if we were truly in need. The fact is, we never asked anyone for anything. God provided and never stopped providing.
Back in the bitter cold of that long grey winter, we shivered in a 65 degree house and piled on the layers of sweaters and vests, sweatshirts and fleece pants. There were days we drank our glasses of water warmed in the microwave, because our insides were just so cold. Our dog and cat were never in need of food or medical care. Our kids were well-outfitted as usual, and the Christmas gifts (mostly of money) kept coming in, without ceasing. We WANTED things, but were never left wanting. If that makes any sense. God provided and never stopped providing.
Now, in this Spring, I seem to have forgotten the way He “led us out of Egypt and slavery”. As gracefully as is possible, with his former boss breathing down his neck, threatening to charge us money if we “left the house dirty and ragged looking” Mr. Wonderful found us a place to land, with two weeks to spare. We went back to the old house twice, to clean. It was cleaner when we moved out, than when we moved in. And when his former boss did a “walk through” to make sure we cleaned up after ourselves, they asked, “How on EARTH did their family shoehorn themselves into this tiny, raggedy house!” Little did they know, that tiny, raggedy house was about two steps up for this family. We loved it there. We love the people and the closeness to the park. God provided and never stopped providing.
In this week of my vacation, I’m not wanting to finish the laundry. As a mom, I utterly loathe the change of seasons, because it means changing out their wardrobes. It means every single item of clothing has to be washed and either passed on to another, or saved for Little Sister for next year. It means I spend about 2 or 3 weeks wondering if we’ll have money for new clothes and shoes, and then ALWAYS, our two angels (a cousin and a friend) clean out their kiddos’ closets, and pass it on to us. God provided and never stopped providing.
So why, today, am I burdened and fatigued? Why am I solemn? Why am I blue?
It’s because I have TOO MUCH. We have spent month after month, wondering if there was enough to go around. We’d ration out our breakfast cereal and milk for the kids, we went without sometimes, and we certainly stopped treating ourselves to dinners out and fun things from the store, new clothes, and even ice cream. Now that the financial worry is taken away with Mr. Wonderful’s wonderful part-time job, I find myself breaking down from the pressure and stress that isn’t even on us anymore, and I feel like I’m maybe crushing under the weight of what… no burden?
I wonder if that’s even a thing. Not to make light of people suffering for real, but maybe it’s a sort of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). I’ve been sick to my stomach and cold, worrying and shivering, head achy and joint achy for a month or so. And tonight I sit here wondering if maybe it’s not a ploy from the enemy, to make me feel like we weren’t really taken care of, even though we were.
God provided, and never stopped providing.
There. I’ve said it. I mean it. He never let us go hungry. We never had a late bill during that time. I even figured out how to pay to still get my nails done (I totally stand by that decision, as my manicurist is a good friend and SHE paid for my manicures for months, until I could manage. I didn’t quit her because she’s inexpensive for therapy, and boy, did I need therapy.)
God provided, and never stopped providing.
He never left us, and did not forsake us. He seemed closer during those times than at any other point in my life. The going may not seem easy at this moment (with several job and income options looming over head), but we are not going alone. Our Lord is leading us. Our God has us in his righteous right hand. We need not be afraid. We need not scurry about, worrying about the future.
Why? Because God provided, and never stopped providing.