Can I Get a Witness?

I don’t need whole lotsa money

I don’t need a big fine car

I’ve got everything that a man could want

I’ve got more than I could ask for….

 

I love that song. Mister Wonderful got his name on my blog because he IS some kind of wonderful. He works nonstop to support me, while I support our family. I know things are about to change, but I am SO discouraged at the moment. 

All of the things, as a pastor’s wife, that I am supposed to know, and live, and believe in, I do. I know that circumstances are fleeting, and I need to keep my eyes on the Lord. I know that He loves me and is in some way perfecting me throughout all of this stuff-I-didn’t-want. I understand that I can’t even begin to understand how much He loves me, and so I just hang onto Jesus with everything in me until something changes. 

I know it already.

I AM JUST SO GEE-GOLLY TIRED OF THIS!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Wonderful got a call today that a church in Ohio is calling around on his references. IN OHIO.

IN OHIO, MY PEEPS.

And then all I can think is, “Please God, no. Not this after everything else that has happened.” I don’t want to leave our friends and family. I don’t want it to be the right thing, even as I want Mr. Wonderful to have a job, A PAYING JOB, again.

And then I take a deep breath and settle down and look at this whole situation for what it is: an I I I me me me-fest.

Ooops, I did it again.

In this tight-rope walk of life, all I need to do is keep my eyes on Him. Listen to Him and look to Him for guidance.  I looked down again. I lost faith again. I took the enemy by the hand and invited him into my home, make him a cup of coffee and almost asked him to stay before I realized the reason I was even HAVING the heart palpitations, was because I lost focus on my Lord and Savior. I wasn’t trusting for the money to pay this month’s rent, and insurance, AND heat bill. Ohmyword, the heat bill.

So, again, I am turning my eyes upon Jesus, praying that I won’t lost focus again. I’m praying that I won’t LOSE IT when my babies ask to go to a poms clinic and I have to tell them no because I just can’t afford the $25 fee. Praying that somehow, somehow the bills will work out and we’ll have a credit somewhere or my paycheck will be more than I anticipated. 

Does anyone else ever run this close to the edge? Or am I the only freak who runs hot and cold for the Lord? I don’t want to be this way. I want to be in the world, not of it. I want to be His hands and feet. I want to do all kinds of things, but HOW CAN I?

I am so frustrated. And I’m sorry about the downer of a post. I just need to know it’s going to change, soon, because under my own strength, I can take no more. Prayers please?

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3 thoughts on “Can I Get a Witness?

  1. Hi Sweetheart. Not all people run hot and cold for God. Some people run cold all the time. We’re not perfect. And God places obstacles, trials, tribulations, good times, bad times, and a full spectrum of situations in our path so that we can recognize our humanness and humbly return to our road to salvation/enlightenment/grace.

    Have your children even been reluctant to come to you for help, wanting instead to do it for themselves and getting deeper and deeper into the tall grass? We’re children too, with God our good father. And He knows our shortcomings and forgives us for them. He is a loving God and not a punishing spirit. And His greatest hope for us is that we find grace — not through sacrifice, not through self-punishment, but through love for Him and love for His children and for forgiveness of ourselves and our brothers as He forgives us.

    Be kind to yourself, my dear friend, and know that each time you come back and recognize God’s presence in your life you grow stronger and more aware of His grace.

    And if the Church is Ohio is in Carl’s calling, may it be a blessed and renewing experience for you all.

    I love you Sweetie!!!
    E.

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