I don’t need whole lotsa money
I don’t need a big fine car
I’ve got everything that a man could want
I’ve got more than I could ask for….
I love that song. Mister Wonderful got his name on my blog because he IS some kind of wonderful. He works nonstop to support me, while I support our family. I know things are about to change, but I am SO discouraged at the moment.
All of the things, as a pastor’s wife, that I am supposed to know, and live, and believe in, I do. I know that circumstances are fleeting, and I need to keep my eyes on the Lord. I know that He loves me and is in some way perfecting me throughout all of this stuff-I-didn’t-want. I understand that I can’t even begin to understand how much He loves me, and so I just hang onto Jesus with everything in me until something changes.
I know it already.
I AM JUST SO GEE-GOLLY TIRED OF THIS!!!!!!!!!!
Mr. Wonderful got a call today that a church in Ohio is calling around on his references. IN OHIO.
IN OHIO, MY PEEPS.
And then all I can think is, “Please God, no. Not this after everything else that has happened.” I don’t want to leave our friends and family. I don’t want it to be the right thing, even as I want Mr. Wonderful to have a job, A PAYING JOB, again.
And then I take a deep breath and settle down and look at this whole situation for what it is: an I I I me me me-fest.
Ooops, I did it again.
In this tight-rope walk of life, all I need to do is keep my eyes on Him. Listen to Him and look to Him for guidance. I looked down again. I lost faith again. I took the enemy by the hand and invited him into my home, make him a cup of coffee and almost asked him to stay before I realized the reason I was even HAVING the heart palpitations, was because I lost focus on my Lord and Savior. I wasn’t trusting for the money to pay this month’s rent, and insurance, AND heat bill. Ohmyword, the heat bill.
So, again, I am turning my eyes upon Jesus, praying that I won’t lost focus again. I’m praying that I won’t LOSE IT when my babies ask to go to a poms clinic and I have to tell them no because I just can’t afford the $25 fee. Praying that somehow, somehow the bills will work out and we’ll have a credit somewhere or my paycheck will be more than I anticipated.
Does anyone else ever run this close to the edge? Or am I the only freak who runs hot and cold for the Lord? I don’t want to be this way. I want to be in the world, not of it. I want to be His hands and feet. I want to do all kinds of things, but HOW CAN I?
I am so frustrated. And I’m sorry about the downer of a post. I just need to know it’s going to change, soon, because under my own strength, I can take no more. Prayers please?