Ah, Sweets

My Darling Carl.

I love you so dearly! You are truly the light of my life and the apple of my eye. I know I’ve been in a funk lately, as have you, but that hasn’t ever diminished my love for you. It’s a hard time, and it’s a bit frightful… only I know that God has plans for us; He always does.

You are walking through this time in our lives with a particular grace and steadfastness which belies the turmoil I know is in your mind. Hold onto Jesus, my love. HOLD TIGHT! Never let go! We need to show our babies that even when the going was darkest, that we never doubted for a moment, the love and grace and resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Sweets, I’m angry. Not at you, not even at the accusor. I’m angry with me. I haven’t been here like I wanted to be, and I let things get out of control with convenience items, creature comforts. We’ve reduced our monthly bills by 10% in a week, barely trying! I believe I stated it correctly the other day, when I said, “We needed a reset.” Meaning that, we live a fairly simple life, if you don’t look beyond a room or two in our home.

Our house is packed to the gills. And while I would NOT say we’re hoarders, I will say that people give us stuff, Stuff, STUFF, STUFF and we sometimes may find it difficult to move the STUFF on to another home. So at least a part of the tears I’m shedding are anger, at me, for being worried about things which never come to pass.

Worry causes attachment to things. (Desire for the next breath causes attachment to my computer, so no, thaaaat’s not unhealthy.) Worry that there won’t be enough money for clothes and shoes, that we won’t have enough money for healthy groceries, or that we will be stuck in a rut. And you KNOW how I hate a rut!

My Darling, do you remember the carefree summer from 25 years ago? We spend the whole time double-dating with my sister and her beau, going to movies, driving fast in your car and singing, “Wouldn’t it be Nice” at the top of our lungs. We went to the “private” beach a lot, which wasn’t at all private, it just wasn’t open to the public. And we took walks to the back of my parent’s farm. A lot.

One thing I know now is that it’s not always nice to be older. Ha. So there you stupid teenagers!

Seriously though, I still feel in my heart and mind toward you, exactly the same way as I did then: I believe you’re going to do great things with your life. Even if I’m the only one who can see that presently. I know that you’re a good man. You’re giving and loving, far beyond what people understand about you. In the secret, quiet places of your soul, you are laid open and you give every last drop to God, the girls, and me.

You, my Love, are the very most genuine person the world will ever know. There’s a kindness in your eyes that is unmatched in mere mortals. Your heart contains a deep love that most will never know: so true and real that it is a tangible thing. Your spirit is strong and unwavering. You persevere right until the very end.

All those things God has formed in you, my dearest Carl. The One who created the Universe, also created you. He makes no mistakes. And while He doesn’t plan the trials in our lives, He does, at times, allow the path to twist and turn, and He enables us to walk that path, in order to prepare us for something much greater down the line.

As you well know, Jeremiah 29:11 states:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. A hope! A future! There’s no better promise for us in this time of trial than that, dear husband. God hasn’t abandoned us. He’s only getting started on the blessings.

So today, there will be packing without crying. There is still sadness in our hearts. There probably will be for a very long time. But we move forward, right?

Hebrews 12

12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.

The whole chapter is amazing. Read it HERE.

I love you, Carl Robert. I am not going to stop loving you. Until this morning, I was sure we were getting our butts kicked. But now I see what you’ve been telling me, that this is only for a season, and we walk this path for now. We are being made perfect, and at the moment, this situation completely stinks. But soon, Carl, it will get better and be more than we ever asked or imagined.

I love you,

Jenny

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