Things seldom happen in life the way we want them to… our boy, Jamey, for example.
He’s a week younger than my niece, Zella, and is full biological brother to both our girls. He came to live with us when he was 10 days old, and the judge put him back into that awful situation again when he was 20 days old.
To some people, it was just 10 days of our lives, babysitting the sweetest, happiest baby in the world. But to Mr. Wonderful and me, well, it was the end of a long night. It was 18 years of wanting, needing a newborn to love, and finally getting him in the most unlikely of circumstances. Jamey was the icing on the cake for all our dreams coming true.
And then the judge had him go back to his biological family, and here we are, 21 months later, still dying inside, thinking about this perfect, sweet baby and wondering why we can’t get over it, and I have some theories.
First, I believe God wants us to still pray for this child… and now his younger brother (also fully biological to our girls), because their story is not finished yet… and they are not safe from neglect and abuse.
Second, we still have hope that our boy is coming back…. just not in our timing. We went 17 years of marriage wanting babies and not having them… so this is just another stop on an all-too-familiar train, But still, if it has to be someone going through this, I’m glad it’s us, because we know how to deal with it… we know Who to rely on, and we have done this before. Sometime around year 8 of infertility, it stopped totally ripping at my heart every second… and now I just know that we’re all in God’s hands, and this life is all in God’s timing.
Finally, when you spend more than just a few minutes with a baby, you begin planning the rest of your lives together. I don’t know why, it just happens. That first night with him here was Easter 2010, and after the longest day of church and hanging out as a family, we got a call that two workers would be bringing him here. We stayed up LITERALLY all night long, watching him sleep and praising God for our sweet baby boy to love. We actually woke him a few times as he slept in his bassinette because our cries of happiness and thankfulness got a bit loud.
We were sleep-deprived, joyous, and dealing with a 3-year-old who didn’t want to share Mama with her younger brother. And then he was gone. It was ugly, and the girls hearts were broken, if possible, maybe more than Carl’s and mine. And their hearts still break. They cry for him often and ask if we know where he is or who he’s with. We don’t lie to them, but we certainly don’t tell a baby-child everything we know.
I’m asking for prayers, and asking our friends and family to believe with us. I know the situation seems unlikely, and even my parents keep worrying because “you’ll get your heart broken.” Well, sorry Mom and Dad, our hearts are already broken. Even if the boys never come here, we can still pray for them and hold them in our hearts.
New International Version (NIV)
17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 The righteous person may have many troubles,
but the Lord delivers him from them all;